Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not; practising flash fiction.

#FridayFictioneers – 13/7/18 – Take a Break

with 15 comments

Every Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo prompt to inspire writers to write 100-words of flash fiction or poetry.

At any point during the following week, the Friday Fictioneers post their 100-word tales. Read the other stories by clicking below.


Writing has been overtaken by life at the moment and I am clearing up after the cleaners at last week’s Friday Fictioneers party. The idea for the below came slowly enough and the execution was even slower. I’m not sure the last line works. Please critique away.

Thank you to Rochelle for hosting and Liz for the photo.

 

Take a Break

(Genre: general fiction; 100-words)

Of the twins, Dan was the confident one. At family gatherings he volunteered to entertain with magic tricks, or played guitar to accompany reluctant Sophie’s singing. At school he excelled in everything and was a champion sportsman.

He grew up to mountain climb and pot-hole, always seeking greater adventure. Only a hatred of cold kept him from the poles.

When Dan chose shark diving as his fortieth birthday treat, no one was surprised.

Neither was Sophie when an empty cage rose from the water.

Down the coast Dan swam to shore, promising to let everyone know he was safe, soon.

 

 

Advertisements

Written by Sarah Ann

July 17, 2018 at 3:34 pm

15 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Love it!

    tnkerr

    July 17, 2018 at 3:38 pm

  2. The last line is fine. It’s the twist. I think it might have been clearer if you’d set up his need to escape

    neilmacdon

    July 17, 2018 at 3:49 pm

    • I think I needed more on him being out front, a phrase I had used in the first to tenth drafts, but it got lost in the edit to condense to 100-words.

      Sarah Ann

      July 18, 2018 at 1:16 pm

  3. I guess being perfect all the time comes with a lot of pressure . Though I’m sure he could have taken a break from it all without faking his own death 🙂

    draliman

    July 17, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    • It does seem an extreme way out, but then Dan is extreme in most things – always brightest and best.

      Sarah Ann

      July 18, 2018 at 1:16 pm

  4. A nice ruse to get away from it all.

    Iain Kelly

    July 17, 2018 at 7:50 pm

  5. Nice story! 🙂
    Let’s hope Dan gets enough time to chill

    the dark netizen

    July 17, 2018 at 8:29 pm

  6. Oooo wow well done. Great twist

    Laurie Bell

    July 19, 2018 at 3:12 am

  7. Sharkie #1: Humans get cocky after the first time.

    Sharkie #2: He will return, and with luck he’ll bring a friend.

    Sharkie #1: Yeah, then we get to feast.

    Baby Sharkie: Can I have a little bite Daddy? Please. Pretty please.

    Sharkie #1: For now, stick to fish, honey. They’re less toxic.

    Eric Alagan

    July 19, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    • Thank you for the fun epilogue. I wonder if Dan knew he was being so closely watched. 😉

      Sarah Ann

      July 22, 2018 at 5:26 pm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: