Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 6/11/15 – Moving On

with 31 comments

Every Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo prompt to inspire writers to write 100-words of flash fiction or poetry.

At any point during the following week, the Friday Fictioneers post their 100-word tales. Read the other stories by clicking here.

There is also a new subgroup for those wanting to receive constructive criticism. More info here.

_____

Returning to full-time work has not been the success I’d hoped for in improving my time management and I’ve been lax with my reading, writing and commenting. Life does seem to have calmed down and I hope to be able to participate in Friday Fictioneers more regularly than of late, but then I’ve said that before.

 

PHOTO PROMPT - © Connie Gayer (Mrs. Russell)

PHOTO PROMPT – © Connie Gayer …(Mrs. Russell)

 

Moving On

(Genre: general fiction; 100-words)

There is nothing to keep her. The diggers have turned the earth. Sandstone ridges lie where the house once stood. The sparks of argument and fires of rage can burn no more.

Death brings quiet, not peace. Her father is murdered, the culprit – a poor employee driven to his wit’s end – imprisoned. To everyone around her, it’s over.

Isabella accepts the tired smiles of neighbours, the pats of their hand on hers, but wears a façade of resolution. The abused child died with her father. The woman who will be looks for another town, different people, to shape her anew.

 

Friday Fictioneers

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Written by Sarah Ann

November 6, 2015 at 6:08 pm

31 Responses

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  1. Very complete and well-crafted story, Sarah. I like the hope in the end. Death, as difficult as it is, can bring peace too. Good to see you!!

    Amy Reese

    November 6, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    • Thank you, Amy. I was trying to be positive this week as I have a tendency to be maudlin. Glad you could see the hope.

      Sarah Ann

      November 8, 2015 at 8:49 pm

  2. Good to see you again Sarah. A pleasing story of rebirth in death. Well done.

    Sandra

    November 6, 2015 at 7:38 pm

  3. There are deaths that can bring resolutions too.. There are deaths that bring rebirths. Well written..

    Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    November 6, 2015 at 11:09 pm

    • Thanks for reading and commenting, Björn. Yes, death means different things for different people, and sometimes a death can be positive for some.

      Sarah Ann

      November 8, 2015 at 8:51 pm

  4. Dear Sarah Ann,

    Welcome back. It took me a couple of reads to realize who the abused child was. Very well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    rochellewisoff

    November 6, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    • Thank you Rochelle. It is good to be able to contribute something to FF again.

      Sarah Ann

      November 8, 2015 at 8:52 pm

  5. It took me a couple of reads to draw this story together in my mind, but it was well worth it. Kudos.

    aliciajamtaas

    November 7, 2015 at 12:35 am

    • Thanks Alicia. I’m glad you got there. It took me a while to write – I’m not sure I didn’t need to name Isabella earlier. With more time perhaps I’d have re-ordered and it would have been a simpler read.

      Sarah Ann

      November 8, 2015 at 8:53 pm

  6. Death, difficult as it can be, is an opportunity to move into another direction.

    Dale

    November 7, 2015 at 12:38 am

  7. His death has finally freed her to move on and start anew. Nice story!

    draliman

    November 7, 2015 at 9:57 am

  8. Nicely written, with such a lot of information in such a short piece. I really like how it manages what so few of us do – to be a complete story.

    C – I’m not sure why the house has been knocked down – perhaps that doesn’t matter. And I couldn’t visualise ‘limestone ridges’ – I’m not sure what they are. Also, it sounds like Isabella is a strong individual – I like how we get to see some of her character, but if she is strong and moving on, why is the resolution on her face a facade?

    Claire Fuller

    November 7, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    • Thank you Clare. I love concrit for pointing out the holes/ where explanation is needed.
      There’s no reason why the house had been pulled down other than the father’s nastiness has been revealed and the community wanted no reminders? That was the image that sprang to mind from the photo prompt – the earth turned over and flattened after a building has been pulled down. Again the sandstone ridges was a nod to the photo – the colour of a ploughed Shropshire field.
      Isabella’s facade was for her neighbours, I think – they imagine she will continue to live among them when she was made the decision to move on. I see that she doesn’t need to wear one for herself.
      Thanks again for your thoughts and observations.

      Sarah Ann

      November 8, 2015 at 9:02 pm

  9. I like the idea that death can be a beginning rather than an ending. Glad to see you writing some 🙂

    jannatwrites

    November 7, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    • Thanks Janna. It’s good to be writing – just wish I had a bit more time. Glad you can see the positive in this.

      Sarah Ann

      November 8, 2015 at 9:10 pm

  10. Sometimes death is resolute… it can bring closure. But sometimes it can be just as detrimental! I liked the story. Good job! 🙂

    Courtney Wright

    November 7, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    • Thank you. The father’s death definitely brought mixed blessings in this case.

      Sarah Ann

      November 8, 2015 at 9:52 pm

  11. Death brings quiet, not peace. I like the sentence. It’s nice she can move on.

    Lily

    hafong

    November 7, 2015 at 8:21 pm

  12. a well-thought-out story. everything fits nicely. not a word wasted, too.

    plaridel

    November 7, 2015 at 11:37 pm

    • Thank you for that glowing comment! 🙂 Personally I’m not sure about the last sentence – I’m sure it could be better written, but have given up trying to work out how.

      Sarah Ann

      November 8, 2015 at 9:11 pm

  13. It’s a moving, and also hopeful story, I love it. C- I also very much liked the line, “Death brings quiet, not peace.”
    The last sentence is difficult, but also powerful. I don’t know how you could write that differently, and still say the same in 100 words.

    gahlearner

    November 8, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    • Thank you. You’ve pulled out the lines that were the easiest and hardest to write. ‘Death brings quiet’ came from nowhere and needed no edits. The last line had lots of edits and still isn’t right. Will try harder next time 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      November 10, 2015 at 9:58 pm

  14. What a well crafted piece. Like someone else said, you did a great job telling a complete story in only 100 words. This is my favorite for the week. Kudos, Sarah Ann.

    rgayer55

    November 9, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    • Russell, you’ve made me blush. I don’t think I’ve ever been anyone’s favourite before. Thank you for those very kind words. (Cheque’s in the post. 🙂 )

      Sarah Ann

      November 10, 2015 at 9:48 pm

  15. C –
    Thanks for joining in with the subgroup. As others have said, I think you’ve done a great job of telling a whole story in the space, and of letting us into it slowly. “Death brings quiet, not peace” is a lovely line, and a good way of making the reader think long after we’ve finished reading.
    The sentiments of the final sentence were good and drew the strands together, but I found the wording a tiny bit stumbly. I think my issue lay in “the woman who will be”, because this title is unusual, so my brain took a while to parse it out of the verb that follows. Maybe if it were hyphenated that would help, or if you changed it to “the woman she will be”.
    Just a suggestion.

    elmowrites

    November 10, 2015 at 2:25 am

    • Thank you for coming up with the subgroup – it’s what I need. Thanks too for pointing out the good bits. You’re right about the last line – I re-wrote it a number of times and still wasn’t happy with it. I was thinking of hyphenating but was at 100-words so chose not to. ‘The woman she will be’ is better. I’m also not keen on ‘shape her anew’ and would re-write the end if there wasn’t a new prompt coming imminently. 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      November 10, 2015 at 9:53 pm

  16. C – I enjoyed your flash. I particularly liked that she plans on reforming her identity. However, the only bit that jarred with me a little was that she was wearing a facade of resolution. If perhaps you could let us know that Isabella is resolute and then uses facade to show her acceptance of her neighbours pity/grief. How you would do that in 100 words I don’t know but from what you say the facade is actually steely determination.


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