Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 13/2/15 – The Village Green

with 35 comments

 

Every Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo prompt to inspire writers to write 100-words of flash fiction or poetry.

At any point during the following week, the Friday Fictioneers post their 100-word tales. Read the other stories by clicking below.

 

Thank you to Rochelle for hosting and the photo this week.

 

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

 

The Village Green

(Genre: General Fiction, 99-words)

There is a patch of green outside my window. As kids we chased balls across it between picnics. Marcie and Ian got married there, inviting all to share their joy from tables laden with buns and wine.

The lawn hosted concerts, dances, feast days and political rallies before the plague came. Tents were erected then; people queued up to be inoculated and left with hope.

When the nursing station closed, a pit was dug through compacted mud. Turf was laid over bodies failed by experimental treatments.

There is a patch of green outside my window, where no one walks.

 

Friday Fictioneers

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Written by Sarah Ann

February 14, 2015 at 8:00 pm

35 Responses

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  1. Excellent! That got me fully engaged from the very beginning. The last line was like a punch in the gut. I enjoyed reading this (sad) story.

    Priceless Joy

    February 14, 2015 at 11:36 pm

    • Thank you. It’s good to know the last line had power – there were a number of different endings before I settled on this one.

      Sarah Ann

      February 15, 2015 at 9:20 pm

  2. Dear Sarah Ann, I love your story even though it’s sad! You do have a great way with words! Enjoyable too! Nan 🙂

    Nan Falkner

    February 15, 2015 at 3:07 am

    • Thank you, Nan. Your comments are always a welcome pat on the back. 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      February 15, 2015 at 9:10 pm

  3. i think that’s what grasses do. they cover our sorrows.

    plaridel

    February 15, 2015 at 3:58 am

    • I hadn’t thought of it like that, but I think you’re right. Thanks for reading.

      Sarah Ann

      February 15, 2015 at 9:10 pm

      • that’s how i felt when i walked the grounds of waterloo in belgium. it was all green with hardly a trace of the bloody battle that happened there.

        plaridel

        February 15, 2015 at 9:18 pm

  4. Chilling before and after comparison. Perhaps in a few hundred years the lawn will see happy usage again.
    I always love this sort of thing in post-apocalyptic TV dramas where they flash back to life before the zombies/plague/blackout or whatever and you see how things used to be.

    draliman

    February 15, 2015 at 7:14 am

    • I suspect the grass will see happiness again. Some 17th century plague pits are now public gardens. Once out of living memory, the green will revert to a place of gathering. Thanks for the comment.

      Sarah Ann

      February 15, 2015 at 9:23 pm

  5. Hauntingly effective. Especially the repetition.

    Sandra

    February 15, 2015 at 8:55 am

    • Thank you Sandra. I worried the repetition wouldn’t work – it’s not something I usually do – so glad to hear it did.

      Sarah Ann

      February 15, 2015 at 9:12 pm

    • I agree. I loved the full-circle effect.

      rgayer55

      February 16, 2015 at 12:41 pm

  6. Dear Sarah Ann,

    I agree with Sandra. The repetition of the first line in the last brings the story full circle. Very well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    rochellewisoff

    February 15, 2015 at 11:38 am

    • Dear Rochelle,
      Thank you. I can’t tell you how long I dithered over including the repetition, and the last four/ five words of the story. Sticking the flesh to the bones of this one took a long while so I’m happy to know you enjoyed it.

      Sarah Ann

      February 15, 2015 at 9:19 pm

  7. Wonderful 100 words!

    lingeringvisions by Dawn

    February 15, 2015 at 5:07 pm

  8. Thinking of the Ebola virus this is very topical. Well crafted story.

    patrickprinsloo

    February 15, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    • Thanks Patrick. I think Ebola was probably at the back of my mind. Not sure why pretty pictures result in me writing miserable stories though,

      Sarah Ann

      February 15, 2015 at 9:15 pm

  9. That is a lot of history, packed into 100-words. You brought us through it like a pro. Great job! I loved it.
    -David

    David Stewart

    February 16, 2015 at 2:00 am

    • Thank you for reading and your glowing comment (blushing now). Will try to come up with something good for you next week too, but am bound to fail 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      February 17, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      • Bah. 🙂 Don’t worry about it. We all do our best, come what may, right?

        David Stewart

        February 18, 2015 at 4:29 am

  10. Nice, dark tale here. Melancholy. The last line echoing the first is very effective.
    KT

    wildbilbo

    February 16, 2015 at 6:03 am

    • Thanks. I like the idea of echoes and repetition, I’m usually too afraid to use it, especially with only 100-words, so really happy to know it worked.

      Sarah Ann

      February 17, 2015 at 8:44 pm

      • Oh yes, with limited words, repetition is risky, but when it works (like here) it works well.
        🙂

        wildbilbo

        February 17, 2015 at 11:31 pm

  11. Sometimes the cure kills as many as the disease. Beautifully written, Sarah Ann.

    rgayer55

    February 16, 2015 at 12:42 pm

    • Thank you, Russell. I think this was case of clutching at straws rather than setting out to cure anyone, but that’s just my natural optimism shining through 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      February 17, 2015 at 8:43 pm

  12. That is quite a scene you carved out of the beautiful green lawn. That is one thing that stays with me when I watch these post-apocalyptic stories…the beautiful is destroyed, and nature takes its course. Nicely written, Sarah. Great work!

    Amy Reese

    February 16, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    • Thank you, Amy – I love your comment about carving scenes. Nature will recover, but how the people who lived through the horror view it may never be the same.

      Sarah Ann

      February 17, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      • Most likely not. Things will never be the same, at least for a very very long time.

        Amy Reese

        February 17, 2015 at 8:44 pm

  13. I thought this was going to be a happy story until I got to ‘inoculation.’ The last line was just eerie!

    jannatwrites

    February 17, 2015 at 5:49 am

    • Sorry for setting up one thing and giving you another. Eerie is good to hear – it took so long to get the wording right at the end of the line so good to know the effect it has. Thank you.

      Sarah Ann

      February 17, 2015 at 8:38 pm

  14. Tragic twist at the end. Well written from beginning to the end. :)n— Suzanne

    Suzanne Joshi

    February 17, 2015 at 9:56 pm

  15. Gripping. I really like your focus on the patch of lawn and the changes it has been part of. The repetition at the end is great.

    Margaret

    February 18, 2015 at 3:04 am

  16. This reminds me how green a battlefield can be. Scary and sad twist..

    Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    February 18, 2015 at 6:41 am


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