Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 12/12/14 – Brotherly Love

with 20 comments

Every Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo prompt to inspire writers to write 100-words of flash fiction or poetry.

At any point during the following week, the Friday Fictioneers post their 100-word tales. Read the other stories by clicking below.

(I don’t know why the frog has changed his icon, but at least he does appear.)

 

Many thanks to Rochelle for hosting and to Sandra for this week’s photo.

Last week’s prompt and story are still dancing disunitedly in my head. Hopefully, they’ll come together soon.

 

 

PHOTO PROMPT - Copyright - Sandra Crook

Copyright – Sandra Crook

 

Brotherly Love

(Genre: General fiction/ misery lit.; 100-words)

‘I –’ can’t do this. ‘I –’ am a worthless piece of shit. ‘It –’ What am I doing here? ‘It –’

‘Karl, we have time. You can say as much or as little as you need.’

Paternal, caring. Large smooth hands. He’s never done a day’s manual labour in his life. Does that matter?

‘I –’ can’t say it.

His gaze is intent but not threatening. He cares without pretence. I can’t trust him, anyone. Everyone lies.

‘It –’

How can he sit so still? He makes me want to fidget. I need to leave.

‘I –’ must go. Must – ‘It started when I was six.’

 

Friday Fictioneers

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Written by Sarah Ann

December 12, 2014 at 1:42 pm

20 Responses

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  1. It sounds like he’s managing to get the words out. I hope it helps him.

    draliman

    December 12, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    • Thanks for reading. Hopefully, this will be the start of him moving on.

      Sarah Ann

      December 15, 2014 at 9:19 pm

  2. I think (and hope) that he’s about to start unburdening himself. Lots to think about here. Well done.

    Sandra

    December 12, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    • Thanks Sandra. I think this is story better left to the reader’s imagination to fill in the blanks.

      Sarah Ann

      December 15, 2014 at 9:18 pm

  3. Dear Sarah Ann,

    Sparse words. Wonderfully told story. I…can read much between the lines. Perfect last line.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    rochellewisoff

    December 13, 2014 at 10:30 am

    • Thanks Rochelle. It’s alway difficult to say nothing but imply everything. And when a character has been trying not to do something, turning that around into action in only 100-words, isn’t easy.

      Sarah Ann

      December 15, 2014 at 9:21 pm

  4. Dear Sarah,

    Lot’s of room for interpretation here. Good job with spare inner dialog. I’m not sure I could err respect a person that has not done a lick of annual labor in their life.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    dmmacilroy

    December 13, 2014 at 11:04 am

    • Thanks Doug. Knowing the inner dialogue worked is good to hear as that took the longest to settle. Does a counsellor need to have worked with his hands? Not sure, but someone with a fuller life experience is likely to be more useful.

      Sarah Ann

      December 15, 2014 at 9:36 pm

  5. Definitely sounds like “I” has a lot to get out. Hopefully . . .

    aliciajamtaas

    December 14, 2014 at 2:03 am

    • I hope this is the start of something cathartic and enabling for him.

      Sarah Ann

      December 15, 2014 at 9:46 pm

  6. If it started when it was six that explains why it is such a struggle to get it out. I like the line, “How can he sit so still? He makes me want to fidget.” I really felt that one. Nice job!

    Amy Reese

    December 14, 2014 at 6:45 am

    • Thanks Amy. I think I might have used the still/ fidget line somewhere before. I can only imagine counsellors sit still so as not to cause distraction or draw attention, but I think I would still find it unnerving.

      Sarah Ann

      December 15, 2014 at 9:55 pm

  7. Great portrayal of the intense inner struggle to let it out. The nosy busy-body in me wanted the story to continue so I could be privy to what started at 6 and what has his words all tangled up 🙂

    jannatwrites

    December 14, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    • I’m leaving the reader to fill in the background to this. I was thinking he is telling a story of abuse, but having thought on your comment, there could be a positive interpretation to this. As I say, it’s all up to the reader and where they want to go. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      December 15, 2014 at 10:16 pm

  8. To feel a burden like that… I picture my own story.. And that works for me. Hopefully it will help to unburden himself.

    Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    December 16, 2014 at 6:36 am

    • Having just read your comment, you’ve made me look at my story again. I was writing from a ‘victim’s’ pop, but you have made me realise it could equally be a perpetrator deciding to come clean about what he has done. Thank you for making me think harder and see more.

      Sarah Ann

      December 17, 2014 at 10:01 pm

  9. A big story there. I imagine plenty of time is the key to this sort of therapy/counselling. At least here the dam has started to leak.

    patrickprinsloo

    December 16, 2014 at 10:46 am

    • I think time is critical here – the more the better. I like you idea of a dam leaking – let’s hope it doesn’t burst and soak everyone.

      Sarah Ann

      December 17, 2014 at 9:58 pm

  10. Sarah Ann, A lovely story of a person perhaps turning their life around with the right help. There’s an old saying that “As long as there’s breath there’s hope.” His problems were really deep-seated, but it sounds like this is a beginning of change. Well written. — Suzanne

    Suzanne Joshi

    December 16, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    • Thanks Suzanne. I hope this will be a change for the better.

      Sarah Ann

      December 17, 2014 at 9:59 pm


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