Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

Lost Buoyancy – #gargleblaster188

with 18 comments

 

Neck deep in a flood of grief, every storm threatened to swamp her.

Friends and family supported her in treading water, before eventually drifting away.

Grey skies continued to pour, until one day the sun flared, and she realised she must swim.

 




 

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Written by Sarah Ann

November 19, 2014 at 7:58 pm

18 Responses

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  1. “and she realized she must swim.” A lovely, inspiring line – an awakening.

    theinnerzone

    November 19, 2014 at 8:33 pm

  2. I thought you used the micro form really well here, exploring a single metaphor to show the character’s development with all excess detail stripped away. And your phrasing is quite perfect, I think.

    Blake

    November 19, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    • Thank you. I could float around on comments like yours all day.

      Sarah Ann

      November 20, 2014 at 3:43 pm

  3. I like it! Great writing.

    susanwritesprecise

    November 19, 2014 at 11:13 pm

  4. I totally heart this ending! I felt so bad for her.. your words easily make me feel her pain.

    Jen

    November 20, 2014 at 12:20 am

  5. “and she realized she must swim.” It is sad that many people never figure that out. This was beautiful!

    tmwhickman (@fercryinoutloud)

    November 20, 2014 at 4:35 am

    • Thank you, Tina. It can be hard when overwhelmed by grief for some to accept that the only person who can make a difference is them, but there has to be hope.

      Sarah Ann

      November 20, 2014 at 3:36 pm

  6. I like this watery journey through grief. Great extended metaphor : )
    I especially love everyone drifting away < 3

    KymmInBarcelona

    November 20, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    • Thanks Kymm. I dithered between floating and drifting away – drifting had more of a ‘useless’ sense to it, an inevitability about it, whereas floating felt more directed somehow. Pity my extended metaphor didn’t make the grade for the grid. 😦

      Sarah Ann

      November 20, 2014 at 3:33 pm

  7. I like the hope in the last line. It counters the loneliness of everyone drifting away.

    jannatwrites

    November 21, 2014 at 6:21 am

    • I wasn’t sure the last line was hopeful or inevitable as she realises she is the only one who help her move on. Thanks for reading 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      November 23, 2014 at 3:58 pm

  8. S perfect…I can relate to this so much x

    ramblingsfromamum

    November 21, 2014 at 12:32 pm


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