Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

Last Thoughts? – gargleblaster#180

with 24 comments

 

Red lights fill the view. I kick the brake.

No use.

Squeal. Bang. Crumple.

Silence.

A moment passes before my back is afire; legs and arms searing.

Throbbing head droops. Lips dribble.

Eyes closing, I hear my mother’s voice: ‘You are loved.’

 




 

 

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Written by Sarah Ann

September 24, 2014 at 8:03 pm

24 Responses

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  1. Heartbreaking – a lot to take in these pack of 42!

    theinnerzone

    September 24, 2014 at 8:08 pm

  2. damn. quite the intense scene in so few words– well done!

    Christina

    September 24, 2014 at 9:24 pm

  3. My heart just did a somersault. So powerful!

    Shailaja/ The Moving Quill

    September 25, 2014 at 4:39 am

  4. OMG Sarah, powerful words, well penned.

    ramblingsfromamum

    September 25, 2014 at 9:00 am

    • 🙂 Thanks Jen. Thanks for reading with all you’ve got on too.

      Sarah Ann

      September 25, 2014 at 11:04 pm

  5. Creative and powerful perspective. It was very moving, what she told you.

    Silverleaf

    September 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    • I had the last line as soon as I read the prompt – it took ages to write the preceding. I still wasn’t sure about the whole thing when I posted though, so am very pleased it worked for you.

      Sarah Ann

      September 25, 2014 at 11:06 pm

  6. What a cool take, Sarah Ann! ‘A moment passes…’ – that line is amazing.

    KymmInBarcelona

    September 25, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    • Thanks Kymm. Glad you liked that line – it was probably the one that took longest to get right.

      Sarah Ann

      September 25, 2014 at 11:07 pm

  7. That awful silence immediately following an accident when you know you’re going to hurt soon is the longest in life. You captured it well.

    inNateJames

    September 25, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    • Thanks Nate. Hopefully I can leave that silence in my imagination – I’m not good with pain 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      September 25, 2014 at 11:08 pm

  8. When I finished reading, I audibly said, “uh oh!” That split second of recognition and fear when you know it’s “no use” was palpable.

    Candace

    September 25, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    • Thanks for letting me know 🙂 – reactions like yours keep me writing.

      Sarah Ann

      September 25, 2014 at 11:17 pm

  9. There is a weird sensation at the moment just following an accident. You captured it with the last lines. Well done.

    ReallyGina1 (@ReallyGina1)

    September 25, 2014 at 7:26 pm

  10. how scary and sad! You told a lovely bittersweet story.

    Jen

    September 25, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    • Thanks Jen. Glad you got scary. I had the car spinning in an earlier draft, but that 42-word limit wouldn’t let me keep it in.

      Sarah Ann

      September 25, 2014 at 11:11 pm

  11. Scary! You captured that moment when you know something’s going to happen but you can’t stop it.

    Tweed and Tango

    September 25, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    • Thank you. I suspect this is a moment we all fear and yet have to live at least once.

      Sarah Ann

      September 25, 2014 at 11:10 pm

  12. Gave me a chill. You certainly set this scene and all the emotions that go with it (and in 42 words- nice!)

    jannatwrites

    September 28, 2014 at 7:02 am

    • Thanks Janna. I wasn’t sure this worked at all, so good to know it gave you a chill. 🙂 (Am behind with all my reading again.)

      Sarah Ann

      September 30, 2014 at 8:49 pm


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