Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 16/5/14 – Two Journeys

with 27 comments

Every Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo prompt to inspire writers to write 100-words of flash fiction or poetry.

At any point during the following week, the Friday Fictioneers post their 100-word tales. Read the other stories by clicking below.

 

 

Two ideas popped into my head this week so you get both. After weeks of deep and emotional, the muse has gone frivolous. Unfortunately, I don’t think either story would work without the picture as a guide and, as usual, titles to describe the action were a poor afterthought. Thank you to Sandra for this week’s photo.

 

PHOTO PROMPT Copyright-Sandra Crook

Copyright-Sandra Crook


Last Minute Dash (100-words)

Dad and I were visiting Grandma when the call came. We drove all day before he had to rest.

‘I’m not tired,’ I frowned at the night.

‘Try counting sheep.’

I closed my eyes and imagined myself in a meadow, lush grass tickling my ankles, daisies waving in an imperceptible breeze. I numbered each sheep that pushed through the hedgerow separating the fields to nuzzle my hand.

I woke to their nagging bleats, the car surrounded, and me concerned about my super-powers before I saw the farmer. Dad didn’t wake until poked.

My brother arrived, finally, three hours after us.

 

 

Don’t Panic (100-words)

‘This is a disaster. We’ll be late.’

‘Chill, brother.’

‘Cut the hippy crap. Now is not the time – ’

‘I’d’ve thought now was exactly the time. I’m with the sheep. Take a moment. Breathe.’

‘I’ll never understand how we have the same parents.’

‘It’s in the genes, man.’

‘I’ll stab you through the leg of your jeans in a minute.’

‘I’m wearing a suit.’

‘I know.’

‘And it’s my wedding we’re not going to be late for.’

‘How can you say that?’

‘Chill, brother. Treasure this tableau to regale your future nieces and nephews. And always remember, the bride’s behind us.’

 

 

Friday Fictioneers

 

And because I like this little widget (sad, I know)… Don’t feel obliged to answer! And two questions because one is subjective (nice for me to know) and the other more objective (I have my own idea and would like confirmation/ to know better!).

 

 

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Written by Sarah Ann

May 16, 2014 at 4:03 pm

27 Responses

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  1. Liked them both. Sorry. Probably 2 ahead of 1, but not sure what I’ll do at the ballot box.

    patrickprinsloo

    May 17, 2014 at 10:14 am

    • Liking both is allowed and good for me to know. I prefer 2 as well – not sure the first one really works.

      Sarah Ann

      May 18, 2014 at 8:03 pm

  2. Where is the ‘they are both nice’ button? But if I had to choose with a gun at my head I’d say 2. And only because the central role of siblings throughout life is becoming more evident as researchers begin to expend scientific resources in an effort to understand this often neglected relationship. 😉

    subroto

    May 17, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    • Okay, I’ll add a both button next time. Thank you!
      Now can you let me have a link to that research? I’ve had a brother for nearly 40 years but we seem to understand each other more no than we ever have – and only since he’s lived on a different continent for the last ten years. Absence making the heart grow fonder maybe?

      Sarah Ann

      May 18, 2014 at 8:06 pm

  3. Hi, Sarah. I like the voting you have going on! I think the counting sheep idea is pretty cool, but I preferred the second because I liked the characters. Your characters came to life more in the second story for me. Both are great stories, and you did two. Pat yourself on the back!

    Amy Reese

    May 17, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    • Patting back and taking a bow. Thanks Amy. I prefer two too and think that’s because it’s better written. The first one doesn’t quite hang – needs a few more words methinks so not the right structure for FF.

      Sarah Ann

      May 18, 2014 at 8:08 pm

  4. Both are really good, but I liked the second one better. 🙂 Well-done.

    – Matthew

    It's|Matthew|Burgos

    May 18, 2014 at 3:52 am

  5. Well – that was a surprise! Never been asked to vote before, and it was rather like being asked which of someone’s two children you prefer. Not an easy choice.

    Liz Young

    May 18, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    • Thanks for that lovely comment. Sometimes it’s okay to have favourites 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      May 23, 2014 at 10:06 am

  6. Dear Sarah Ann, Both are great but, I do like the second one a little better. I liked the characters and liked the bantering back and forth between brothers – need to take the pens out of reach!

    Nan Falkner

    May 18, 2014 at 8:18 pm

  7. Dear Sarah,

    Both stories are entertaining.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    rochellewisoff

    May 19, 2014 at 9:41 am

    • Thank you. I’m very topsy turvy with my reading and commenting this week.

      Sarah Ann

      May 23, 2014 at 10:08 am

  8. I really enjoyed both, and they’re both (to my mind) very well put together. And I like widgets too (yes, I’m a geek) but I only voted on the first one … really, I’d have liked a third option for both … “I enjoyed both equally” and “They’re both well-written, but in different styles”. Or something 😀

    *scratches head wondering how to fit more cute little widgets into her blog posts*

    • Hi Joanna. Good luck with the widgets. Rara puts the polls to great use in this post: http://rarasaur.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/survey-time/
      You can add as many answers as you like, but I’d consider ‘both’ too much of an easy answer. I’m hoping that, by forcing others to make a decision either way, I will too 😉 I did try with ‘allow other answers’ so you could have written yours in, but it looked wrong/ untidy/ not neat.
      Don’t do too much head scratching now 😉

      Sarah Ann

      May 23, 2014 at 10:15 am

  9. They were both well written but I still preferred the second.. the punch line worked better with me 🙂

    • Thanks for the read Björn. I prefer the second one – there’s a better sense of who the characters are I think.

      Sarah Ann

      May 23, 2014 at 10:17 am

  10. Hi Sarah Ann
    I didn’t understand the first one if I’m honest and I read it twice – probably me being thick though. Was her brother about to be born? why did they sleep in the car?
    the second one more than made up for it, though, funny, fabulous sparky dialogue and brilliantly written. My favourite line is one I’ve used myself more than once: ‘I’ll never understand how we have the same parents.’
    Great stuff 🙂

    elappleby

    May 19, 2014 at 1:22 pm

  11. HI Sarah Ann
    Not sure if my last comment got through or not, or ended up in spam or just disappeared. Am having loads of problems with wordpress at the moment.
    . I didn’t understand the first story- who was the brother? Why were they sleeping in the car? But it might just be me being thick – it happens sometimes.
    No matter though, because I thought the second story was great – sparky dialogue, fun story, great writing. And a line I have used myself more than once: ‘I’ll never understand how we have the same parents.’

    elappleby

    May 19, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    • Hi. (Yes you did end up in the spam – I went through that treatment for a while last year after logging in from a different computer.) Apologies for the late reply. Thanks for the comment. To explain story one: a girl and her dad are staying at Grandma’s when Mum phones to say she’s gone into labour. Think Granny in the Highlands, Mum in Dorset, so dad drives all night until he can’t go any further. Our little madam has been dozing all the way so is wide awake when dad needs to sleep, hence the counting sheep. She has an imagination and does manage to sleep again, wakes up, they drive off, brother arrives after the allowing Dad to be at the birth. You’re not thick, I didn’t write it clearly enough – I was probably too caught up with describing her meadow of sheep than working on the timelines and real story going on.
      Thank you too for the description of story two – can I use that as a review? As for that line, I do wonder how some people can be related when they are so different in outlook.

      Sarah Ann

      May 23, 2014 at 10:24 am

      • Hi Sarah – thanks for taking the time to find my spammed comment (it was much better written the first time round than one I tried to duplicate it!) And of course you can use my comment as a review!

        elappleby

        May 23, 2014 at 10:37 am

  12. Sarah Ann, Both were good stories but, like El, I thought the first story was a bit confusing. I especially liked the ending of the second story as it was very amusing. 🙂 Well done. —Susan

    patriciaruthsusan

    May 20, 2014 at 9:54 am

    • Thank you Susan. Very amusing is good to hear. I think I need to work on the first story again – I knew it didn’t work whan I posted it, but sometimes I need help to see the problem. Hopefully with time I’ll be able to re-work it. As it is, I’m struggling to come up with anything for this week’s prompt. I have a vague idea of theme, but no story, and it’s already mid-morning Friday.

      Sarah Ann

      May 23, 2014 at 10:28 am

  13. I hate having to choose. I think I enjoyed them each in a different way. #2 is funny and clever, I could picture it being told by a standup comedian doing both voices. #1 is sweet and I can picture a woman recalling a nice memory… maybe writing a memoir.

    tedstrutz

    May 23, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    • You don’t have to choose. Thanks for the geat comment. I couldn’t have imagined #2 as a stand-up routine, but it makes sense now you’ve said it. And, yes, #1 as a memoir, although I was trying to write with the voice of a child. Thanks for reading.

      Sarah Ann

      May 25, 2014 at 7:51 pm


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