Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 25/4/14 – Folk Dance

with 26 comments

Every Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo prompt to inspire writers to write 100-words of flash fiction or poetry.

At any point in time during the following week, the Friday Fictioneers post their 100-word tales. Read the other stories by clicking below.


Thanks to Bjorn for this week’s photo.

 

 

Folk Dance (100-words)

People said Miguel was born holding his guitar. Anna knew only that she loved both.

Miguel spent days tickling nursery rhymes for children; twanging pop songs for commuters. Anna hawked and carried in the market. At night they came together.

In clubs throughout town, as Miguel’s fingers stroked strings, Anna’s body rose to meet them. Skirt swishing, head back, arms twisted in rapture, her feet stamped reply to his every pick and strum. A chorus of clapping hands and ululating throats spurred them on.

When the flamenco climaxed, the exhausted lovers locked eyes, lingered; until Anna’s husband took her home.

 

–––––

 

And now for some audience particpation.

I gave this to hubby to read before posting. ‘I like it, but there’s one word I don’t.’ He even came up with an alternative, which I agree sounds better.

My original: A fug of clapping hands and ….

His alternative: A chorus of clapping hands and ….

Fug portrays warm, smoky, dirty maybe, but he felt was too ‘hard’ and interrupted the flow. Chorus is softer but less gritty, and doesn’t quite have the effect I was aiming for.

 

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Written by Sarah Ann

April 25, 2014 at 4:46 pm

26 Responses

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  1. Whoa, the husband was quite a surprise! Nice twist 🙂

    jannatwrites

    April 25, 2014 at 5:01 pm

  2. what great descriptions! felt as if i was right there watching the dance. hmmm i like chorus better… 🙂

    PS. sent you an email

    K.Z.

    April 25, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    • Thank you kz. Knowing you could see the dance is good.
      Thanks for the email – sorted.

      Sarah Ann

      April 26, 2014 at 8:40 pm

  3. Oh, very well-done, Sarah and so sneaky! As for the contest, although I like “fug” very much, to me it means a smoke-filled room or something like that, so I have to go with “chorus.” “Fug” smells like cigars or sweat to me, which might be appropriate but not with clapping.

    janet

    sustainabilitea

    April 25, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    • Thanks Janet. Sneaky’s good – sad for Anna and Miguel though. I see cigars with fug, so was imagining a smokey club. But you’re right, maybe not with clapping

      Sarah Ann

      April 26, 2014 at 8:49 pm

  4. Lovely piece with a kick.
    Would they be clapping in time to the music? If so, chorus is good. Otherwise an excitement or an enrapturement of etc? Collective nouns can be such fun.

    patrickprinsloo

    April 25, 2014 at 8:06 pm

    • Oooh, I like an excitement of… As for collective nouns, I like a scream of children, as a writing concept that is.

      Sarah Ann

      April 26, 2014 at 8:43 pm

  5. Sweet. I like the husband part in particular.

    Alice Audrey

    April 25, 2014 at 11:33 pm

  6. Dear Sarah, Good story and I do like the word chorus vs. fug. It seems to go better with the dancing/music. This is so well written, it seems like a lot longer story! You’re great! Thanks for the entertainment! Nan 🙂

    Nan Falkner

    April 26, 2014 at 1:48 am

    • Thank you Nan for the wonderful comment. You’re right, there could be a lot more to these characters to learn about, like why she marred the wrong man. Or is he? Now you’ve got me started! 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      April 26, 2014 at 8:51 pm

  7. Interesting story the guitar player and the flamenco dancer and an affair of the mind maybe? That third paragraph with the guitar playing and flamenco dancing is captivating.

    I like chorus better, ‘fug of’ makes me think I am swearing for some strange reason – can’t pin it down.

    subroto

    April 26, 2014 at 2:07 am

    • Yes, an affair of the mind. At least that’s how it started out. I’m not sure where it’s going. Captivating is a great compliment – thank you. I can see what you mean about fug.

      Sarah Ann

      April 26, 2014 at 8:58 pm

  8. Very sensuous, you conveyed several kinds of passion with your words. For me ‘fug’ is a ‘visual’. ‘Chorus’ is an ‘aural’.

    Sandra

    April 26, 2014 at 7:48 am

    • Thank you Sandra. Several passions are good and unexpected. I wish I could see my pieces from other’s eyes. I agree with the fug/ chorus distinction too, so chorus it is.

      Sarah Ann

      April 26, 2014 at 9:02 pm

  9. Beautiful sensual piece (with it’s own little climax – delicious!)
    I agree with hubby, sort of – fug is an ugly word and that’s why it doesn’t work for me, but I like the meaning. I think there’s probably another word out there which would please both parties. If I think of one I’ll pop back and let you know!

    elappleby

    April 26, 2014 at 9:08 am

    • 🙂 Thanks for the great comment. It’s good to know I can do sensual. Hubby is very happy to be leading the poll 8:1, he likes to be right. Any luck with that compromise word yet?

      Sarah Ann

      April 26, 2014 at 9:07 pm

      • I tried – really hard – but I don’t think I’ve found it. I went down a couple of different roads and came up with a fusion, or confusion? A blend? Then a mingling (which sounds weird) or even a melee? And then I gave up.
        Sorry 🙂

        elappleby

        April 27, 2014 at 8:40 am

  10. Dear Sarah Ann,

    Those affairs of the mind can be captivating as is your story. Nice little twist at the end. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    rochellewisoff

    April 26, 2014 at 9:30 pm

  11. Ah.. yes being a flamenco dancer you have to put the lingering love into your steps… well penned (I like the surprise)

  12. Your use of language in this piece is excellent. Somehow I knew the man was her husband. don’t know why. Well done.

    aliciajamtaas

    April 27, 2014 at 8:40 pm

  13. The twist at the end was superb. Definitely didn’t expect it. Well done.

    Pawan Hegde

    April 28, 2014 at 9:25 am

  14. This is such a passionate story. I feel slightly flushed after reading it. Loved it! 🙂

    Lisa Yow-Williams

    April 29, 2014 at 3:27 pm

  15. i love the subtle way you build around the artistic passions of both characters…their longing to unite as one but unfortunate circumstances prevent the union. lovely.

    Sun

    May 3, 2014 at 11:07 pm


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