Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 4/4/14 – Help Me

with 33 comments

Every Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo prompt to inspire writers to write 100-words of flash fiction or poetry.

Every Friday (or before) the Friday Fictioneers post their 100-word tales. Visit Rochelle’s site for the rules on how to join in and check out the other stories by clicking on the blue guy.

This was another 1-photo – I had the idea straight away. It just took a while for the character to gel.

 

Copyright - Kent Bonham

Copyright – Kent Bonham

 

 

Help Me (100 words)

Where am I?

Blood’s pumping; my eyes still see.

I can’t move

I must be in a bad way. I can’t feel anything. My fingertips have gone.

The ceiling looks a long way away.

Shit, I must have fallen.

My head hurts. Did it hit the stage when I landed?

It’s so noisy inside my skull; I can’t hear a thing.

Is anyone coming?

Can I feel my head on the floor? Is that the graze of pressure above the pain?

Why isn’t anything else throbbing, stabbing? Don’t like the lack of sensation.

Does my voice work? Can I scream?

 

 

Friday Fictioneers

Advertisements

Written by Sarah Ann

April 4, 2014 at 2:02 pm

33 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. A really good take on the prompt.

    yarnspinnerr

    April 4, 2014 at 3:34 pm

  2. I like the idea that this is the first thing he sees – and the growing sense of something very very wrong.

    elmowrites

    April 4, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    • Thanks, Jen. It’s good to know his fear grows. He’s supposed to have fallen from the lighting gantry. On re-reading a few days after posting, I’m not sure that bit is clear.

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:40 am

      • I got that he’d fallen, from a height, and this was his view, so either from the lighting gantry or some other area close to it (the flying gallery, maybe).

        elmowrites

        April 7, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      • Thanks for letting me know that bit worked. The flying gallery sounds a more romantic jumping off point, if you’ll pardon the pun (but feel free not to). 😉

        Sarah Ann

        April 7, 2014 at 7:58 pm

  3. Your character is getting more and more worried – and with good cause. Great tension here.

    patrickprinsloo

    April 4, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    • Thank you. I’m happy to know you felt tension. It’s all very will writing the words, but better to know they have the desired effect.

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:41 am

  4. A disturbing situation to find yourself in. Well done.

    R. E. Hunter

    April 5, 2014 at 3:29 am

  5. Nightmarish quality here. Well done.

    Sandra

    April 5, 2014 at 9:22 am

    • Oh thank you. Nightmarish is a good quality, for my writing at least 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:53 am

  6. Dear Sarah Ann,

    You’ve taken going to the light to a new level. Well done.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    rochellewisoff

    April 5, 2014 at 9:39 am

    • Hi Rochelle. I’m beginning to feel sorry for the light. It’s got a lot to answer for after this week’s stories.

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:52 am

  7. the sense of helplessness really came through. very disturbing yet well written.

    K.Z.

    April 5, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    • Thanks kz for your great comment. Very happy to know you felt helpless and disturbed 😉

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:51 am

  8. I like the way you looked at this very a different angle, literally. Good one!

    janet

    sustainabilitea

    April 5, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    • Thanks Janet. I try not to be too obvious, but for some reason the idea of someone flat on their back looking up at the light was the first and only one to arrive this week.

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:48 am

  9. An absorbing escalation of thoughts…I hope this person finds help, and fast!! Well written!

    Hala J.

    April 5, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    • Thank you – escalation is a good word. I’m not sure help will be quick in coming. I have the sense he was working after hours so may well be waiting until morning.

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:50 am

  10. I got the sense that something very very bad has happened… I would expect to feel the cut of metal wires— I see a kidnapping here…

    • Definitely something bad, but you’ve taken it to a higher level than my mere fall. The cut of metal wires – even your comment is unsettling 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:46 am

  11. Realistic take here–good capture of the confusion that follows a serious fall. (Must say, sounds life-threatening.)

    vbholmes

    April 6, 2014 at 1:34 am

    • Thank you. Life-threatening wasn’t how I started the story but I’m glad that came across. As one of the lighting engineers, his fall from the gantry could indeed be life- threatening.

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 11:45 am

  12. A good story and very descriptive, though disturbing. That lose of feeling from a serious injury is one of the most frightening experiences about it even if it saves you pain at the time. I’ve had two injuries like that and thankfully healed well from both. Well done.

    patriciaruthsusan

    April 7, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    • I’m glad to hear you’re recovered. I agree that lack of feeling, the not knowing how much damage has be done, must be terrifying. I’m glad I was able to portray that in my piece.

      Sarah Ann

      April 7, 2014 at 7:49 pm

  13. After I read your story, I looked at the photo again and it hit me. The whole story replayed in my mind… terrifying really.

    tedstrutz

    April 7, 2014 at 4:22 pm

  14. What a scary predicament. Hopefully, someone will come to the rescue.

    rgayer55

    April 7, 2014 at 11:03 pm

  15. it’s quite disturbing after any fall and your character’s disturbance comes across clearly.

    Sun

    April 8, 2014 at 4:29 am

  16. yup. she’s gone. wave g’bye. well done.

    brainsnorts

    April 9, 2014 at 4:56 pm

    • Thanks for popping by – there’s no need to be so defeatist though 😉

      Sarah Ann

      April 9, 2014 at 9:13 pm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: