Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#VisDare 23 – Ornate – Ben and Jacintha

with 9 comments

I’m terribly late again with this week’s VisDare challenge from Anonymous Legacy. I was probably trying to be too clever, or maybe just left it too late to transfer my idea into words.

 

The rules:
150 words – or less.
Post entry to your blog and “link in” using the link tool,
or post your 150 words in the comments, on Angela’s site.
(Please – no erotica or graphic violence.)
–––––

Ben and Jacintha (145 words)

Ben loved Jacintha for her purple pomposity, but preferred it when she spoke plainly.

By subtle adaptation, and enormous exaggeration, Jacintha turned the mundane into adventure. Her grandiloquence could transform walking through a market into a stroll in an exotic bazaar: the smells of cinnamon and ginger pervading the air, red silk tents wafting in the breeze. Her embellishments converted a simple river ramble into a slog through a rain forest: her hands running over the long grass mutating into machete wielding natives cutting down vines. With her overblown floridity, an afternoon of whitewashing walls metamorphosed into the painting of murals in a mediaeval chapel.

Jacintha’s language was as ornate as her imagination was wild. Ben was never sure what to believe or how much to question. But the day she said without ornamentation, ‘I love you,’ his heart swelled knowing she spoke only truth.

 

 

 

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Written by Sarah Ann

June 11, 2013 at 8:19 pm

9 Responses

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  1. I think you did a really great job on this one. Your use of language mirroring Jacintha’s was really intriguing, but I was especially moved by the ending. Jacintha gets past their image and gets down to the nitty-gritty and speaks plainly. For someone who is used to pushing words around, to be reduced to such simplicity. NICE!

    erickeys

    June 11, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    • 🙂 Thanks for that great comment. Good to know you felt Jacintha’s language coming through, and that the change in emphasis at the end worked.
      (btw Estelle is still in very rough draft – hope to get it done this week.)

      Sarah Ann

      June 12, 2013 at 9:32 pm

      • No problem!

        Can’t wait to see more of Estelle!

        erickeys

        June 12, 2013 at 9:33 pm

  2. Sarah I so enjoyed reading this – you created beautiful imagery and I am in agreement with erickeys in the way you wove the words to end in the pure and simple of ‘I love you’. Well Done!

    ramblingsfromamum

    June 12, 2013 at 12:13 am

    • Thanks Jenny. I wasn’t sure where the story was going to end up when I started writing. It took a while to flow and gel, so I’m very happy it worked for you.

      Sarah Ann

      June 12, 2013 at 9:20 pm

  3. A beautifully written story. I loved your use of words and my favourite has to be ‘grandiloquence’. I really must try and find a chance to use it.

    Mike

    June 12, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    • Thank you, Mike. Good luck in using grandiloquence. (I have trouble saying it.) I admit a thesaurus did come in handy when writing this piece.

      Sarah Ann

      June 12, 2013 at 9:17 pm

  4. Love the double pun of this entry — both in the characterization and the ornateness of the entry itself. Well executed! Thanks for another great VisDare. 🙂

    • Thanks, Angela. I think I cheated a bit as it was easier for me to be ornate in my language about Jacintha rather than to try and mimic her voice. I’m glad you liked it though.

      Sarah Ann

      June 15, 2013 at 5:18 pm


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