Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#Trifextra: Week 67 – The Storm

with 21 comments

This weekend Trifecta wants:

 

’33 words (exactly) that include among them at least one example of onomatopoeia.  

When looking for a good page to link to in order to help describe the device, we stumbled upon our very own Apoplectic Apostrophes‘ post on literary devices.  Check it out if you need help remembering how onomatopoeia work.’

–––––

 

The Storm

Winds whipped, sails snapped. Waves slapped the hull, which creaked and rumbled with each crest and trough.

A good boat, even she couldn’t stand the days of pummelling. Crack, whoosh: all hands lost.

 

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Written by Sarah Ann

May 12, 2013 at 3:37 pm

21 Responses

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  1. Wah. 🙂

    yarnspinnerr

    May 12, 2013 at 3:49 pm

  2. Welp. That’s what lifejackets are for.

    Draug419

    May 12, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    • My original version just had the boat sinking – my other half introduced the idea of the crew going down with it. He’s slightly more pessimistic about life than me. Yes, lifejackets might have been the answer. 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      May 12, 2013 at 7:38 pm

  3. I could almost smell the sea in this.

  4. Great use of multiple onomatopoeia in a drastic story. I felt like I was on that boat!

    Lumdog

    May 12, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    • I’m glad you felt you were on it, but very pleased you weren’t!

      Sarah Ann

      May 13, 2013 at 10:24 pm

  5. Oh,oh,poor boat & her crew!They should have got a new boat when there was still a chance,no?But guess they were poor fishermen-that’s why could not even afford to buy life jackets,eh?:-)Loved the way ypou used the prompt Sarah xoxo

    atrm61

    May 12, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    • I think I was thinking historically again with a wooden boat made of planks – I’ve got stuck in the 19th century with those smugglers in my previous Trifecta post.

      Sarah Ann

      May 13, 2013 at 10:25 pm

  6. The sounds of a stormy sea abound in this piece.

  7. Great tale, I could visualize and hear what was happening. 😦

    • Thanks for that great comment. I’m happy you could see and hear what was happening.

      Sarah Ann

      May 13, 2013 at 10:26 pm

  8. Sad ending – “All hands lost” – really no hope left in that. Well-written onomatopoeia here!

    jannatwrites

    May 13, 2013 at 5:42 am

    • Sorry. You’ll have to blame my husband for the all hands lost. I’d just sent the boat down, but he suggested the darker ending. And it did read better.

      Sarah Ann

      May 13, 2013 at 10:28 pm

  9. Love the combination of the onomatopoeia with alliteration.

    lovethebadguy

    May 13, 2013 at 7:53 am

    • Thank you for reminding me about ‘alliteration’ – I’ve been trying to remember that word all weekend. Those first four words do sound good when read aloud.

      Sarah Ann

      May 13, 2013 at 10:29 pm

  10. I was just loving being on the sea, and you go and send them to Davy Jones’ locker!!!

    KymmInBarcelona

    May 13, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    • Oops. Apologies. Maybe a smooth sailing trip is called for with whisperiing winds and trickling (or tickling) waves.

      Sarah Ann

      May 13, 2013 at 10:31 pm

  11. My daughter’s a full-time sailor. Hope her boat is better than this. Great sound effects. Just like being at sea. Nice bit of writing.

    patrickprinsloo

    May 13, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    • Hopefully she’s sailing in fibre-glass, with radar and weather forecasting equipment to stop them getting into this mess. And a radio to call for help if they ever do! Thanks for your lovely comment.

      Sarah Ann

      May 13, 2013 at 10:30 pm


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