Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#VisDare 10: Whimsy – Snail Soup

with 9 comments

I’m very late again with my VisDare entry. I had the idea for my story as soon as I saw the photo, but getting ideas onto paper has proved difficult. I started with a grandson and grandma talking about snails and gardens but ran out of steam about halfway each time. It wasn’t until I changed POV that the story started to work, and I’m still not happy with the ending. All comments and suggestions for improvement greatly appreciated.

 

RULES:
150 words – or less.

(Please – no erotica or graphic violence.)

As always – thanks for participating!

–––––

 

Snail Soup (130 words)

‘You don’t want to go in there.’

‘I do. I’m so bored here.’

‘Look, you know the deal – don’t harass the hostas and you get to suck strawberries, chomp carrots, pulverise potatoes and chew on cabbage.’

‘But I like hostas.’

‘Fine. Go next door and get turned into soup.’

‘Soup sounds good.’

‘You don’t get to eat it. Old Jameson tempts you with beer, waits ‘til you’re senseless, then drops you into a bucket of water. He waits until you’ve nicely melted to goo and then uses you as fertiliser.’

‘Oh.’

‘Oh indeed.’

‘I’ll go the other way then.’

‘And she’ll pick you up, plop you on some concrete, and bring her heel down on your head. Trust me, I didn’t get to be an old snail – ’

‘Pesky pigeon.’

 

 

 

 

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Written by Sarah Ann

March 12, 2013 at 9:44 pm

9 Responses

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  1. Not easy being a snail, but at least it beats being a slug

  2. Even the wise old snail,
    ends up like Jonah in the whale –
    or you could say the pigeon took the air
    out of that ol’ snail’s sail.

    Good stuff – well done– bravo.

    Randy

    The Writers Village

    March 12, 2013 at 10:51 pm

  3. haha. This is great!

    deanabo

    March 12, 2013 at 11:05 pm

  4. I laughed all the way through this one. The personalities that come through the dialogue are magnificent!!

    So much for being an “old snail”!

    • I’m very happy the characters came through. They work for me in my head, and when reading aloud, but it’s good to know they work in black and white for people reading. 🙂
      You’ll not be surprised to know, I have no idea what to do yet with this week’s prompt.

      Sarah Ann

      March 14, 2013 at 1:26 pm

  5. […] I had almost given up on creating anything for this week’s VisDare challenge. Nothing I tried came to anything, until I attempted a continuation from last week’s story. […]


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