Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FiveSentenceFiction – Empty

with 18 comments

Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week Lillie McFerrin posts a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.

This week: Empty

The first image that came into my head when thinking about Lilllie’s prompt was a deserted beach…  I wanted ’empty’ to be portrayed in a postiive way, but I’m not sure I managed it. I let my story sit for a while, but there was nothing I felt I could add to it when I went back to it.

–––––

The beach was deserted. At the waterline, the sea was breathing out, breathing in, breathing out, breathing in. Shivers of wind plucked at the waves and scattered sand. The sky was high and cloudless; her head filled with the shushing of the water and keening of gulls. With an uncluttered mind she walked, her footprints disappearing as the tide turned.

Lillie McFerrin Writes
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Written by Sarah Ann

March 4, 2013 at 5:30 pm

18 Responses

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  1. I love the comparison of the waterline breathing.. Terrific.

    deanabo

    March 4, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    • Why thank you. I’m not sure where it came from, but I’m very pleased you like it.

      Sarah Ann

      March 6, 2013 at 5:46 pm

  2. Lovely imagery. I could feel the sand between my toes. 🙂

    injaynesworld

    March 4, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    • Thank you – knowing you could feel the sand is praise indeed.

      Sarah Ann

      March 6, 2013 at 5:47 pm

  3. You’ve painted a vivid picture.

    Cheers!
    JzB

    JazzBumpa

    March 5, 2013 at 2:51 am

  4. I think you managed it! This would be perfect for me, I’m very much a deserted beach person and this would be a wonderfully positive way to spend an afternoon…walking on the beach, the gentle rhythm of the waves and the sea breeze…beautifully peaceful!
    And like Deanbo, I loved the breathing ocean too!

    lisashambrook

    March 5, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    • Thanks, Lisa. I’m not sure, but when I first thought of it, the breathing sea was a bit eerie. Thankfully the mood of the rest of the piece took over.

      Sarah Ann

      March 6, 2013 at 5:49 pm

  5. Beautifully described !!!

    Green Speck

    March 5, 2013 at 7:44 pm

  6. The beach is my favorite place to be so for me this is positive – the sea really is a living, breathing entity – you describe this so well.

    Sarah Mac

    March 6, 2013 at 10:33 am

  7. I love the images and the entire feel of this.

    McGuffyAnn

    March 7, 2013 at 12:48 am

    • Thanks for commenting – I’m glad you like the feel of the piece.

      Sarah Ann

      March 7, 2013 at 4:18 pm

  8. This is written so beautifully! The images throughout made me smile. Nicely done 🙂

    Lillie McFerrin

    March 7, 2013 at 2:26 am

  9. Peaceful and restorative feeling, I love to walk on an isolated beach, you’re words have made me miss this!

    Josie Two Shoes

    March 7, 2013 at 4:37 am


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