Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 04/01/13 –

with 26 comments

Every Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo to stimulate and inspire writers to write 100-words of flash fiction or poetry. Every Friday the Friday Fictioneers post their 100-word stories.

This week Rochelle suggested we indicate our genre too. It must have been that that got me writing outside my comfort zone. Feel free to say what you think.

Visit Rochelle’s site for the rules on how to join in and check out the other stories by clicking on the blue guy.

 

Copyright - Lora Mitchell

Copyright – Lora Mitchell

Genre: Crime/ Horror

Title: Missing – meaning I can’t think of one rather than that being the title.

Word count: 100

 

Blue. Purple. Pink. Red. Green. Lights flashing before eyes.

What the hell?

Can’t breathe. Can’t move. What the – ?

Don’t panic.

Wiggle toes. Check.

Ankles? Tied. What the – ?

Knees free.

Lying on left side. Hands behind back, fingers laced together – can’t move them to feel anything.

Blindfold too tight, causing all the lights. Woollen blanket under cheek.

Kick floor. Wooden, hollow. Shed? Old house?

Mouth bound. Nose free. Breathe in deeply. Smells musty. Shed? Abandoned house?

How to get upright?

Legs out front, knees bent. Roll right. Fuck, my elbow.

Shuffle backwards. Wall rough under fingertips. Shed!

Got to get –

Footsteps.

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Written by Sarah Ann

January 4, 2013 at 9:16 pm

26 Responses

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  1. Dear Sarah,
    i liked the captive’s panic and desperation.

    rochellewisoff

    January 5, 2013 at 12:36 pm

  2. I love how unexpected this piece was. I suppose not all New Years are happy. The stream of consciousness is really cool in this.

    littlewonder2

    January 5, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    • I admit I sort of forgot about the New Year angle. Assuming the character has been kidnapped during the past week, let’s hope the footsteps are a good omen.

      Sarah Ann

      January 7, 2013 at 8:51 pm

  3. really a great way to get alot of info into the 100 word limit, the ticking off of information. I like this device you used. I’m saving the idea for future stories.

    train-whistle

    January 5, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    • Listing and ticking off can be useful, especially with only 100 words. I’m glad you liked it and look forward to reading what you do with it.

      Sarah Ann

      January 7, 2013 at 8:38 pm

  4. Creepy little story there… I like the way your narrator checks everything, like ticking off a list. Good work!

    waitingforaname

    January 6, 2013 at 3:49 am

  5. This monologue had a great voice, you could just sense the desperation and the staccato check list delivery was just perfect. Well done.

    Sandra

    January 6, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    • Thank you. I’m pleased it worked. I wasn’t sure the character wasn’t doing too much intellectualising for someone tied up in a shed!

      Sarah Ann

      January 7, 2013 at 8:32 pm

  6. A really great story. Sometimes dropping the pronouns doesn’t work and makes the whole thing too choppy but this was brilliant. I especially liked the last word ‘footsteps’. Fab 😀

    elappleby

    January 6, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    • Thank you. I struggled with the pronouns for a while. The first line was going to be: ‘Lights flashing before her eyes,’ but the POV changed in the second line so that didn’t work. And, ‘Lights flashing before my eyes’ sounded weak. I’m glad it wasn’t too choppy as a result.

      Sarah Ann

      January 7, 2013 at 8:28 pm

  7. I think the title should have been… BIG CLIFFHANGER AHEAD! Thanks a lot. Loved the last line!

    tedstrutz

    January 6, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    • Thanks for the title suggestion. If I’d used it, I’m not sure some people wouldn’t have been disappointed when they got the to end. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      January 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm

  8. Dear Sarah Ann,

    Good job stepping outside of the box. You got us all down there on the floor with your protagonist, had us rooting and wondering. The footsteps ending your piece were great…and ominous.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    dmmacilroy

    January 7, 2013 at 1:34 am

    • Dear Doug,
      Thank you. I’m glad you were down on the floor. When I read the story through to hubby prior to posting, he was dubious as to whether it worked. ‘Would someone really be doing all that thinking?’ But blind panic doesn’t translate well in to words.
      Best wishes, Sarah Ann

      Sarah Ann

      January 7, 2013 at 8:24 pm

  9. Nice spin, I liked that the fireworks where a physical sensation based on her predicament, instead of something she was watching, also the cliffhanger was great. 🙂 Do you plan on continuing this story?

    Jodie

    January 7, 2013 at 4:16 am

    • Hi Jodie. I’m glad you liked it. The fireworks as fireworks didn’t spark anything in my brain. It wasn’t until I started thinking about them as flashes of light that the story came. I haven’t any plans to continue with it. I’m not sure whose the footsteps are – I hadn’t thought that far ahead. (It was all bad, but maybe there’s someone coming to the rescue?) Have you got any ideas of what happens next? Feel free to run with it if you have.

      Sarah Ann

      January 7, 2013 at 8:16 pm

      • Could be, could also be some messed up 50 shades thing going on.. but it’s your story, and it’s good the way it is. I was just curious about whether you were going to play with it anymore. 🙂

        Jodie

        January 8, 2013 at 6:07 am

  10. oooh. my favorite one this week. i like how it wasn’t really fireworks but those things we just see in the dark or when our eyes are covered. the short, choppy style is a lot like how i sometimes cut things to economize and fit a lot of action and info in there. great job.

    rich

    January 7, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    • Thank you. Thank you. And thanks again.
      Are you sure there isn’t anything you’d change? 😀

      Sarah Ann

      January 8, 2013 at 8:45 pm

      • hmmm. maybe someone could be naked?

        rich

        January 8, 2013 at 8:48 pm

      • I’m starting to worry about splinters now.

        Sarah Ann

        January 8, 2013 at 9:02 pm

  11. I like this kind of story.
    I like THIS story.
    🙂

    Abraham

    January 9, 2013 at 6:49 pm


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