Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 23/11/12 – Granddad

with 28 comments

Each Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields publishes a photo prompt for writers to create 100-words around. Each Friday the Friday Fictioneers publish their stories and poems.

Check out the others’ work here.


 

When I looked at the photo this week I was completely stumped, until I remembered I’d commented to Rich that I’d try to explore the character of Granddad from last week a little further.

I imagine the conversationalists below are younger cousins of the guy clearing Granddad’s house last week.

 

Copyright Joyce Johnson

Granddad (100 words)

 

‘It looks like Granddad.’

‘It does not.’

‘It does. When he got really drunk that time. If you squeeze your eyes tight.’

‘It doesn’t look  – ‘

‘Try.’

‘No.’

‘Go on. Half close your eyes.’

‘Only if it’ll shut you up.’

[Pause.]

‘Oh, all right then, it looks a bit like Granddad. That one time.’

‘Told you. And the hand?’

‘No, I’m not having that. That’s not Granddad’s hand.’

‘No, I know. His were larger.’

‘Smoother.’

‘With longer nails.’

‘Stronger.’

‘Better at strumming the guitar.’

‘Better for holding onto in the woods.’

‘Better at everything.’

‘I miss him still.’

‘Me too.’

Advertisements

Written by Sarah Ann

November 23, 2012 at 11:28 pm

28 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Dear Sarah,
    Granddad made his mark on his grandchildren. Very nice and believable dialogue.
    Shalom
    Rochelle

    rochellewisoff

    November 23, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    • Thanks Rochelle. I’m never sure on the strength of my dialogue so I’m glad it worked.

      Sarah Ann

      November 25, 2012 at 9:38 pm

  2. Good one 🙂

    brudberg

    November 23, 2012 at 11:54 pm

  3. saving words: instead of: “‘Go on. Half close your eyes.” just write, “squint.” one instead of five. well done.

    rich

    November 24, 2012 at 5:11 am

    • Thanks for the tip. I think we tend to use squint more as a noun in the UK than a verb, which is why I didn’t think to use it. But, if my character did say, “Go on, quint.”, what additional four words yould you add?

      Sarah Ann

      November 25, 2012 at 9:41 pm

      • i would cut a few more words, just enough to add the following after the last line of “me too.”

        A smile, a tear. “Wanna go for a walk in the woods?”

        rich

        November 25, 2012 at 9:47 pm

      • In which case I’ll send my next efforts to you for improvements before posting. 🙂

        Sarah Ann

        November 25, 2012 at 9:50 pm

      • feel free to do so

        rich

        November 25, 2012 at 9:51 pm

      • I’ll be in touch soon then.

        Sarah Ann

        November 26, 2012 at 9:30 pm

  4. Lovely dialogue, convincing and nicely paced. Good one.

    Sandra

    November 24, 2012 at 9:57 am

    • Thank you Sandra. As I said to Rochelle, I’m really pleased the dialogue worked as I’m usually more descriptive and wordy.

      Sarah Ann

      November 25, 2012 at 9:44 pm

  5. This was genuinely nice! I loved the back and forth, and the way you managed to show what their relationship to their grandfather had been in their description of his hands. Great story

    Brian Benoit

    November 24, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    • Thank you Brian. I didn’t realise it was all about the hands until you said so. It’s great learning what others think about the same piece of writing. 🙂

      Sarah Ann

      November 25, 2012 at 9:26 pm

  6. Hi Sarah Ann,
    Liked the sweetness in this piece. Such a nice tribute. And you found a upbeat story in the photo, a nice change from all the dark tales. Developed with great fast moving dialog. Ron

    bridgesareforburning

    November 25, 2012 at 1:24 am

    • Thanks Ron,
      I think having the character of Granddad in place from last week’s story really helped with the photo this week.
      Yours was an upbeat tale too – lots of fun.

      Sarah Ann

      November 25, 2012 at 8:59 pm

  7. This was very sweet. Interesting, because I think a person’s hands so unique. One of the few I’ve read that hasn’t been creepy. I went for the creepy.

    The Bumble Files

    November 25, 2012 at 1:49 am

    • Thank you. I’m glad I managed to be upbeat this week after all the doom and gloom I’ve been spreading. And you certainly did go for creepy.

      Sarah Ann

      November 25, 2012 at 9:16 pm

  8. Oh, that was a very touching transition. Well done!

    Kathy McClure

    November 25, 2012 at 10:47 pm

  9. This was sweet. Bought back some nice memories for me.

    tedstrutz

    November 26, 2012 at 12:18 am

  10. Good job. I expected something completely different at the end, but it turned into a very thoughtful piece.

    Shirley McCann

    November 26, 2012 at 2:26 am

  11. Makes me almost miss that Granddad too

    Abraham

    November 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm

  12. Nice picture of Granddad through the eyes of the grandkids. I hope mine find something other than a drunken escaped to remember me by 🙂

    Russell

    November 26, 2012 at 5:39 pm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: