Sarah Ann Hall

Reporting on writing in progress or, more probably, not.

#FridayFictioneers – 26/10/12 -The Skipping Game

with 19 comments

Many thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for taking on the Friday Fictioneers. Every Friday authors from around the world gather to share 100-words written in response to a photo prompt, and offer each other constructive crit and encouragement.

 

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

 

The Skipping Game

What had she come into the kitchen for?

Salt, mustard, cinnamon, pepper.

She stared at the condiments. That wasn’t right.

Salt, mustard, blah-de-blah, pepper.

She could see herself turning the rope; feel each bounce in her hips and knees.

Come on, it’s not that hard.

Salt went with pepper. What went with mustard?

Think.

Salad dressing. That was it. Salt, pepper, mustard and, –

Come on girl, THINK.

Salt and pepper. Mustard and vinegar.

Vinegar, of course. Mustard and vinegar.

Salt, mustard, vinegar, pepper.

At last. That was it.

Now, what had she come into the kitchen for anyway?

(99 words)

 

I initially wrote this story starting with the second line. Fatally, I read it to my other half who suggested putting the last line up at the beginning to turn this into a circle. So now I need to know is my version or his better?

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Written by Sarah Ann

October 28, 2012 at 10:11 am

19 Responses

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  1. Sounds like a lady with a lot on her mind. I loved the way this piece circled back on itself. I find myself doing the same thing. something sets my mind reeling in another direction and then I forget why I’d come into that particular room. Did that make sense?
    Better late than never, Sarah. Thanks for your comment on mind.
    I’m still trying to keep up with everyone’s time zones. Even in the States it varies.

    Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

    October 28, 2012 at 10:27 am

    • I hate to make a judgement call on which works better, your way or your husband’s. But it would seem to me that you have the talent for writing and maybe he has a talent for editing? How’s that? This scenario is always playing out in our home and it gets frustrting- sometimes scary. Great take and great job.

      Paul

      October 28, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      • Thank you Paul. Your career in the diplomatic service is assured. Unfortunately, similar scenarios are becoming all to frequent.

        Sarah Ann

        October 29, 2012 at 11:59 am

  2. I think the other half was right. Interesting take on the prompt. Is that a jump rope mantra also?

    here’s mine… http://tedstrutz.com/2012/10/25/displaced/

    tedstrutz

    October 28, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    • Thanks Ted. So does he and he’s pleased you agree. I don’t know if it’s a jump rope mantra. It’s something we used to chant incessantly during school playing time – never knowing what it meant or why.

      Sarah Ann

      October 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

  3. I found the reply button hard to find. Almost gave up. But I really enjoyed this story. Happens to all of us. Right????

    Shirley McCann

    October 28, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    • Thanks, Shirley, for persevering and making your comment! πŸ™‚

      Sarah Ann

      October 29, 2012 at 1:51 pm

  4. Love this! And don’t worry who’s “right.” Behind every great writer is a great editor (or spouse, or friend).

    Jan Brown

    October 29, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    • Thanks Jan. But I don’t want him to get the idea he’s more right than me.

      Sarah Ann

      October 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm

  5. I liked the way this played out – the internal monologue, the confusion. I was totally in the dark about the jump rope thing, so that confused me until I read the comments ha, but clearly other people got it. Nice job!

    Brian Benoit

    October 29, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    • Thanks for your comment Brian. Jump rope, skipping rope. I expect that’s another one of those US-UK misunderstandings.

      Sarah Ann

      October 29, 2012 at 6:32 pm

      • Oh, ha, no well I got that part – it was the connection of skipping rope to the condiments that I missed πŸ™‚ (never did much jumping or skipping of ropes myself). Still really liked this though

        Brian Benoit

        October 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm

      • Ooops, me misunderstanding now. I’m not sure why we chanted about condiments either. I think it was something we inherited from the older girls in the school and the reasons behind it have been lost in time. If I ever find out I’ll post about it.

        Sarah Ann

        October 29, 2012 at 6:38 pm

  6. I definitely moments when I can’t remember why I came into a room. Usually I have to go back to wherever I started so that I remember. Sigh. πŸ™‚

    sustainabilitea

    November 1, 2012 at 2:57 am

  7. Well, I think we used to chant “Salt, vinegar, mustard, pepper” – and at pepper, the two girls turning the rope went as fast as they could. The point was to manage as many skips at “pepper” speed as possible before you stumbled.

    But I don’t think these word of mouth, schoolyard tradition games have a one and only correct version πŸ™‚

    newpillowbook

    November 19, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    • Your version sounds more exciting than ours. I don’t think there was any speeding up with the rope. Looking back, we just chanted in a tedious monotone and had tremendous fun doing so ?! πŸ˜‰

      Sarah Ann

      November 20, 2012 at 1:10 pm

      • Looking back, we were a viciously competitive bunch of little girls as we innocently played jacks and jump rope and hopscotch!

        newpillowbook

        November 20, 2012 at 1:54 pm

      • Ah, I see now. You were the group of girls on the other side of the playground we tended to shy away from.

        Sarah Ann

        November 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm


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